March 2025
If you’re reading this, someone you love probably has food allergies.
It can be a tough road. So I’m hoping that by sharing my story, I can help you on your journey as you navigate the challenges of food allergies.
It’s hard work raising healthy, happy, well-adjusted kids, particularly kids with food allergies. So I’m here to encourage you and hopefully help preserve your sanity, too:)
This month, I’ll start at the beginning…
We discovered my youngest daughter’s allergy when she was 7 months old. One day at her grandma’s, after a few bites of cereal, her cheeks grew flushed and her nose started running. A few moments later, her face and sweet baby hands puffed up like balloon animals. Soon, she began coughing and wheezing and eventually vomited.
Gratefully, her grandpa was a doctor and recognized the symptoms as signs of an allergic reaction. And luckily, they lived only ½ mile from the nearest emergency room. He whisked her down the street and epinephrine saved her life.
I was stunned when I heard. She could have died. And I wasn’t even there.
Reacting to the Reaction
I learned of her reaction when I returned home from work that afternoon. I went through several emotions.
Fear. We didn’t know what had caused the reaction and would not know until an appointment with the allergist weeks later. What did she eat? What could she eat? Would this happen again? Would I recognize the signs in time to save her? Why did this happen and how can I stop it?
Guilt. I had failed at my one job as a mother. I had not kept my baby safe. I was not there to protect her and comfort her when her life was in jeopardy. My baby went to the ER and I wasn’t there to hold her.
I didn’t want to let her out of my sight again. Ever.
Anger. Why hadn’t my parents called me? Why had my mom given her a different cereal than the ones I provided? Why was I at work teaching other people’s children when mine needed me? This promptly led me back to guilt for feeling angry. Here I was pointing fingers at my beloved parents who were taking care of my daughter for me while I was at work. Not my proudest moment, but it was part of the cascade of emotions I felt at the time.
*I now know that anger came from the sense of helplessness I felt. Being angry and looking to blame someone gave me a temporary sense of control, however false it was. Anger and fear are highly linked emotions for many people, part of the fight or flight response. Recognizing how fear can trigger anger can help you if you need to manage a future allergic reaction. Pointing fingers in those moments is never helpful. For more information, see this article.
It’s not your fault.
Which brings me to the first lesson I hope you learn sooner than I did: It’s not your fault.
If you are new to this allergy world, repeat it to yourself until you believe it. “It’s not my fault.” Your child’s allergy is not the result of anything you (or your partner, or your parents, or the school, or your babysitter:) did or didn’t do.
Maybe you should have… maybe you shouldn’t have…
You can beat yourself up for introducing a food too soon or not soon enough, for being too vigilant, or not enough. But as parents, we make the best decisions we can with the best information we have. Guidelines change and only in hindsight are some things obvious.
Your child’s food allergy is not the result of your actions, so be gentle with yourself.
We are learning so much about food allergies, both causation and treatment, but our understanding is a work in progress as the science of allergy and immunology evolves.
Listen to the experts. Keep an open mind.
And know that it’s not your fault.
With love and support for your journey,
-Colleen
P.S. Awesome Resource
If you recently received a food allergy diagnosis in your family, I highly recommend you check out this resource. It wasn’t around a decade ago when we started our journey, but I’m glad I’ve found it now!
